A Writer’s Last Meal

What would your last meal be?

That is always an interesting question and one that folks become unexpectedly heated while discussing. Are you kidding? A freakin’ hamburger? What someone would choose for their last meal on earth says a lot about who they are—or what they ate growing up. Writers are certainly a unique bunch, so why wouldn’t their last meals be just as unique?

Here are a few options for writerly last meals.

1. Whiskey

If you really want to stick to stereotypes, have nothing but alcohol for your last meal. If you’re going out, do it buzzed and happy. Make Faulkner proud, and go for a few—or twenty—shots of Jack Daniels.

2. Sushi

Writers are a lot like sushi—we’re layered, and when you cut us open we’re raw inside. That’s where the magic comes from, baby. Feel the kinship, and try not to think of it as canabalism.

3. Biscuits and Gravy

Ah, biscuits and gravy. Southern comfort food at its best. But this meal isn’t great to eat around a laptop—or a typewriter, if that’s your thing. Since you were unable to pry yourself away from your writing to have something other than pretzels and dried fruit, go for some warm, heart-attack-inducing goodness for your last meal. It’s a bit late to worry about fat content.

4. Lobster and Caviar

Most writers don’t make a habit of ordering expensive meals (hello canned tuna). We didn’t choose the most lucrative career, so now’s the time to splurge. Get some champagne on the side, and go ahead and order something gold-flaked. I don’t know whether it’ll taste good or not, but it’s expensive, darn it.

5. Medium-Rare Steak

You’re still thinking of a way out of this, aren’t you? I’ll order a steak. They’ll have to bring me a knife. No, my mystery-writing friend. You’ll wind up chomping down on that meat like you’re eating a burger. But hey, it’ll still taste good.

6. Burnt Toast

You spent your entire writing career aiming to become an enigma. You read enough James Joyce to believe the role of the writer is to keep readers guessing for centuries after you’re gone. Why waste all that hard work by ordering a normal last meal? No, you’re going to keep them asking questions about that crazy writer whose last meal was a piece of burnt toast. Just imagine the book sales…

No matter what you choose for your last meal, make sure you have a slew of pages left behind. Fuel up on whatever fuels you—whether it’s caviar or toast—and get writing!

Photo by Jorge Quinteros